INTERVIEW WITH CHARLIE FORTIN

Charlie Fortin, aged 27.
Date: 24th/July/2034

How would you describe your childhood in general?
It was a pretty normal childhood. I would ride my bike down Main, read a lot of comic books and play too much video games. I didn’t get in a lot of trouble, but I think that was because mom was strict and I was a little afraid of her.

What is your earliest memory?
Mom taking me to the movies. I can’t remember the name of the film, but I can recall short, yellow creatures wearing overalls and large goggles. I was around four.

Did you enjoy school?
Most days I would have preferred staying in bed and playing Xbox, but I didn’t despise school, either. I was a bit of a nerd who pretended to be cool.

Where did you learn most of your skills and abilities?
University and from a stack of expensive text books I still keep on my bookshelf. I try to re-read them as often as I can.

When growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.
No role models per-say, but I did admire Jennifer Lawrence. Her acting skills blow me out of the water, and she seems like the type of lady I could enjoy a cold beer with.

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?
I tried to stay clear of my parents as much as possible, which suited them fine. Mom was very obnoxious, which I hated and still do, and dad spent most of his free time in his office.

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to work as a barista in as many countries as I could.

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?
I was a bit of a nerd. Always top of the class in maths, science, english, drama, social economics. Basically everything except sports, woodworks and multimedia. Though I pretended to be cool and rebelious, and I think I came across as a little cocky.

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?
I had a close circle of friends. We’d spend our lunch period hanging around the popular kids. Actually, we stood about ten metres away hoping they’d invite us for a cigarette. I’m still really close with Sarah and Adam. The other’s moved to different states, one even lives in England now. We’ve lost touch, with the exception of social media.

When and with whom was your first kiss?
Ah, Mila Venderbeek. Short, cute, long blond locks. To this day, I still believe she only kissed me as part of a cruel dare.

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?
I had a one night fling with a girl from college, but since then, nothing. I’m gay, so technically, I still concider myself a virgin, but I have fooled around with another man once.

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?
It hasn’t happened yet. I think when it has, I can answer this question with ease.

Who has had the most influence on you?
My best friend, Sarah. At twenty-eight she’s made partner of her law firm, can you believe it? She’s great with money, engaged to an amazing man (my other best friend Adam). She knows exactly what she wants in life. I’m not the kind of person to have a five-year plan, but she does it so well.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Finishing university and teaching fifteen year old school children for almost five years without having a nervous breakdown.

What is your greatest regret?
I try not to have regrets.

What is the most evil thing you have ever done?
I once kidnapped a child’s puppy and kept it hidden in my bedroom. I would feed it leftover dinner and take him for walks early in the morning before my family woke up. Mom found him while snooping through my bedroom and I was forced to take him back. I was eight.

Do you have a criminal record of any kind?
No.

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?
If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?
When my best friend, Adam walked in on me with my tongue down another man’s throat. I hadn’t yet told anyone I was gay, so this was quite an awkward way for my friends to find out.
There’s nothing from my past I would change. Everything helps you evolve into what you are now, on the basis you learn from your mistakes.

What is your best memory?
When my grandmother took me camping when I was thirteen, a few weeks before she passed away.

What is your worst memory?
My grandmother dying in front of me.

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?
I like to think of myself as optimistic, but I was a spoiled child. I got what I wanted, when I wanted. I hate to admit, but I tend to sulk when I don’t get what I want, at least in secret.

What is your greatest fear?
Needles, but don’t tell anyone.

What are your religious views?
I don’t have any. My parents are Christians, but they stopped attending church shortly after I was born. Coincidence?

What are your views on sex?
I’m a gay male who has yet to sleep with another man, so anyone who talks about sex in front of me is an ass.

Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?
I couldn’t kill, I can’t imagine any circumstances that would make me kill.

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?
Murder, molestation, rape, and getting my order wrong at the McDonald’s drive through. I am against the death penalty, but believe in firm justice.

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?
I bottle up my emotions, and I never speak about them. It suits me fine.

What do you believe makes a successful life?
In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?
I try to treat everyone the same way I’d like to be treated. It’s the only way.

Who is the person you respect the most, and why?
My friend Sarah, deffinetly.

Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.
Not yet, but I hope to soon.

Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.
No.

What do you look for in a potential lover?
Someone who is kind, knows what he wants, has a job, and will hopefully find me attractive, or at least tell me I am.

How close are you to your family?
I visit my parents once per year. I haven’t seen my sister, Nora in ten years, ever since she left home and became a street rat. She’s alive, I know that much.

Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?
I’d love to have children. One girl, maybe a boy. But it’s not something I’d rush into. Maybe in another five-ten years.

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?
Sarah and Adam. I trust them and I think we’d do anything for each other.

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?
I prefer to avoid conflict if I can. I’m a coward and emotionally cold. At least that’s what I’ve been told.

Do you care what others think of you?
I hate to admit it, but yes. I’m not vain though, so I carry a rugged look, and I’ve never purchased a bottle of cologne.

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?
Grading school work, though I wouldn’t call it a hobby.

What is your most treasured possession?
A watch my grandmother gave me. It belonged to my grandfather, who I’d never met. He died when I was still soiling my nappies.

What, if anything, do you like to read?
I have a collection of Stephen King and H.P Lovecraft horror, but I try to catch up with educational resources as much as I can.

What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?
I’m a huge movie buff. I love anything and everything, except the corny love stuff. Maybe that’s because they make me envious.

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?
I drink and I smoke. I guess I should quite the ciggarettes. I’ve never tried drugs. Put that in the regrets section.

How do you spend a typical Saturday night?
Usually I slouch over the long, varnished bar next door to my apartment. Then I’ll go home and sink into the sofa and watch whatever is on  TV with a plastic container of Chinese sitting on my lap and a pack of Doritos opened on the coffee table.

What makes you laugh?
I make myself laugh.

What, if anything, shocks or offends you?
Snotty people who lack empathy and respect for others.

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?
What are your pet peeves?
I am neither. I wish I could say I was the spontaneous type, but I’m not. I do okay with sticking with plans; as a school teacher, it’s a trait you pick up on.

Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?
I wake up around seven, eat buttered toast, and catch a bus to school where I stand in front of my desk trying to talk over a classroom of twenty students at a time. I wouldn’t feel so distrusted if someone reported a fake bomb threat every other week.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I hate my turned-up snub nose. I’d also like to be in shape, but you know….food.
I think I’d suit a six pack. Then I’d probably resemble Kevin Bacon from those old movies.

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.
I’m good at maths, always have been. I’m also a chemistry teacher, but I don’t think I’m quite an expert in that field. School budgets mean multi-talented teachers. I once spent four months inside of the gymnasium while the sport teacher was away on maternity leave.
I’m bad at flirting, making eye contact with attractive men, and saving enough money to travel.

Do you like yourself?
Yes?

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?
to find a life long partner. Buy a house together and concider a family, or a dog. :p

Are you generally organised or messy?
Neither. My apartment has a heathy amount of clutter, and I don’t mind a few unwashed dishes. I never make the bed, but I manage to keep the place rat free.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
The same as above, I hope.

What three words best describe your personality?
lazy, nerdy, plain Jane.

What three words would others probably use to describe you?
The same as above, but I hope not.

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